24 Lessons
One lesson for every time I have traveled around the sun--24 years of life.
*Press play*
Well my friends, another turn about the sun we have traversed.
What an interesting year of life. So much was learned, many hours worked, infinite double-chin cackles, more than a few tears cried, hours introspected, and bangers were crazily danced through. To say the least, I am blessed to share that my life indeed always proves fruitful; nonetheless, my three and twenty brought a frenzy of diversification in the feelings invoked in me. Some of which, I wish to share to those who care to listen.
As I did with 21, 22, and 23, it is time for 24 lessons. I recognize this is unreasonably late relative to how previous musings were released the week of my birthing, but — as you may remember from another essay I have written on here — sometimes things don’t go as planned…so cut a girl some slack, okay?
Finally, these 24 lessons are just a continuation of the last three years of lessons that precede them. They don’t replace the previous lessons — they grow as my understanding of life keeps growing too. If twenty-three was the year I tried to understand people, twenty-four was the year I started believing them.
Welcome to 24 lessons:
This will always be my number one—you can reference from last year’s publishing as well:
“If you learn how to find a way to laugh through any situation, life gets a lot easier.
- my muse, my Aunt Loretta~The Other
Last year I believed patience would make people show up. This year I learned attention without effort is not care. Do not continue to give love to something that is not loving you back in the way you need.
Not everyone can be a close friend.
Even as social anxieties worst nightmare personified in a social butterfly, I am learning that being liked and being known are very different things. Quality will always matter more than quantity. Spreading yourself too thin amongst friends limits the quality you can bring to any one connection.
I used to listen to what people meant. Now I listen to what people do. Actions will forever speak louder than words. Do not promise what you cannot maintain—broken consistency hurts more than honest limitation ever does.
You cannot say the wrong thing to the right person. In all my dynamics of the last year that have either flourished or failed, I can almost always boil it down to this.
You cannot reason with the unreasonable. Once I understood this simple fact, choosing battles became a lot more intuitive. My best friend, Jason, always used to say, you cannot change people and must recognize the moments in which this is most true.
Closure is rarely given; it is created. Sometimes we cannot expect to gain closure but rather have to create it inwardly.
“Choose the fireplace, not the fire.” - Aunt Loretta
Chemistry can exist without safety but you shouldn’t fuel that fire…feeling safe is what matters most.
You are allowed to leave situations that are almost right. “Almost perfect” is a phrase my inner peace can no longer tolerate.
Boundaries are not punishments—they are instructions. The people meant to stay in your life will accept these things about you, not make them seem like problems.
Growing up is realizing love is not a feeling you decipher—it is a pattern you experience (whether with friends, lovers, family, or anyone in between).
Everyone at their cores just wants to feel understood, so listen and do so well when people speak. The core of fruitful relationships is working hard to never let the people you love feel unseen.
~ The Self
Self care, while sometimes hard, is the greatest gift you can give yourself. True self-actualization begins with caring for your mind, body, and soul.
Underselling yourself is the leading cause of mediocrity. I deeply believe in the notion of faking it until you make it in regards to your self-esteem and self-confidence. You will act like the person you convince yourself you are.
You should care about the way you look—not out of vanity, but out of self-respect. The way you present yourself is a quiet form of communication: to others, but mostly to yourself. Fashion, grooming, scent and presentation are daily acts of intention.
If you are not holding yourself to the highest standards, you will not attract high potential outcomes for yourself.
“Where there is a will, there is a way.” If you truly want something, make it happen. If you are not making it happen, you either need to A) introspect regarding your own self-will and discipline or B) reevaluate if you truly want what you believed you did.
Let yourself feel, deeply, freely, passionately. Share your hot take, kiss them, do not try and be mysterious (you guys know how I hate this). Do not mute your self expression for the sake of how you believe it will be received, the right spaces will welcome you with open arms.
*Important: on this beautiful note, please have social awareness though. Read the freaking room. You better not cause some strange conundrum and callout this Substack for blame…
Know thyself. Understand your mind. Constantly introspect.
~ The World
Positivity is a choice rooted in gratefulness, and one of my most determinate goals on that front is to surround myself with people who lead with light. Never forget, your energy whether good or bad is infectious, so choose to put out good.
You are only a fraction of a degree apart from every stranger around you. We are all equals (regardless of race, religion, sex, sexual orientation—to me this is overwhelmingly obvious but something I am shocked to see is not true for many around us in present day society).
At our cores, we all just want to be loved and smile. So say hello, pass a joke, and BE KIND, always.
Do not withhold compliments. They truly can turn around a complete stranger’s day.
The key to enjoying ordinary life is adding intentional whimsy into your everyday mundane tasks. Be silly. Crack the joke, add the background song, dance alone in your room, ask to pet that dawg, smile at strangers—whatever it takes.
Operate the world with child-like wonder. The desire to learn is one of humanity’s most earnest desires. Surround yourself with people who are curious, lifelong learners and light up your soul in whatever small ways you can.
Thank you all for joining along for this ride, these are my 24 musings on the Other, the Self, and the World.
An extra important tenet to me this year, especially as a proud romanticizer of life, is not confusing every little facet of life for something that requires deeper interpretation. Not every silence requires a chase and not every almost-love (of any kind) requires patience. Some things are simply not meant for you. The peace you feel when you accept that is not loss—it is inner alignment and the creation of space for what will light your soul on fire.
I have so little figured out and yet, at the moment life feels a bit less like a labyrinth and a little more like a bossa nova rhythm. The right friendships feel easy. The right conversations feel natural. The right places feel calm. I don’t feel the need to convince myself something is good just because I wanted it to be.
Don’t worry guys, it is still me, the high priestess of hyperbole. Of course I still believe in serendipity, the magic of any a minor detail, the universe playing tricks, messing with strangers, deep romance, and laughing far too loudly in public. I just no longer believe that intensity automatically equates to meaning. The things meant for you do not have to be deciphered—they have to be experienced.
I hope some of you find a reminder or two in these thoughts, but if not, I am still glad to have this written somewhere to look back on.
And with that,
24, the floor is yours.
Con muchos besitos,
Lola
Yas Queen
I loved this omg