Sometimes things don't go the way you planned...

A summer of coming to terms (still in progress of doing so) with one the the most quintessentially important lessons one can internalize in this life.

I had an English teacher in high school who was utterly obsessed with the idea of art referring to itself…and I guess that is exactly what this is.

While I may have said in my last piece—which yes, I know was too long ago, don’t pester me—that I would be talking about my favorite place I have traveled, I actually want to talk about something else. Because sometimes things don’t go the way you planned or expected.

This year, I spent quite some time around an array of perfectionists—varying in their degrees of obsession. People who would not let the smallest slip go uncontrolled. In this environment, while you often see a yield of impressive results in the form of gorgeous table-scapes, impeccably clean rooms, the conversion of a supernova client, etc., the day to day reality of this state of being is actually quite a grim and restricted existence. These individuals tend to have a “my way or the highway” mindset. When this approach works, it works. However, despite the successful outcomes, possessing an extreme version of this mindset can lead to one of the greatest human weaknesses: inadaptibility. You all know what this word means.

Again and again, I’ve faced situations where someone was simply unable to deviate from their mental image. I, myself, have fallen victim to this. “No, if we can’t secure him, then I don’t want to do further outreach to others”, “No, I don’t care if it would make the rest of the group happy, I want to eat this instead,” “No, I refuse to do it in the living room, I want to be in the dining room” “No, I cannot make one of these work, I have to go buy a new one.” You all know the type of person I am talking about, maybe you are one of them to some extent. But to be candid with you all, this REALLY bothers me. We all have things we get stubborn over, but I am talking about people who spend all of their time rejecting anything that isn’t their exact vision.

And well, this certainly is not a groundbreaking take but: that is simply not a way to live life because news flash, things will rarely turn out exactly as we pictured.

On a social level, this trait simply can make one somewhat, *un petit accent français* how you say, insufferable. But, zooming out, the result of inadaptibility in a species’ genome historically results in the unsurvivability of an organism entirely. Put in layman terms: if you don’t adapt, you die.

If you are sitting here now thinking to yourself, it is not that deep, I agree with you—no one here is actually going to die from this. BUT, almost just as bad, in my opinion, is that inadaptibility does result in is one not living life to the fullest. And that is that deep because nobody wants to look back on their life with regrets.

So, did I come here to rant about hating when people are inflexible? Actually, yes un petit peu but, that is not all and stand-alone would be rather unproductive.

Now that we have laid it all out, here is my take on all of this:

I’ve realized that this might bother me so goddamn much because I see too much of it in myself. After significant personal growth, I think I’m now seen by friends as someone who’s very spontaneous and can go with the flow. But in the past, I resided in a realm of hyper-perfectionism. I spent far too long fixated on ensuring everything in the future went exactly as planned. I was always looking ahead, constantly trying to optimize and curate for “what’s next.” I took this so far that I even grew to prefer living in that mental future. As a result, I treated the present as secondary, allowing very few things to interfere with my vision. But once I realized that living in a perfect, hypothetical future keeps you from experiencing the true beauty of the day to day—well, nothing has been the same since. Now, I could write a love letter to the unexpected nature of the present.

Life is chaotic and typically uncontrollable. There is beauty in the chaos. Just embrace the mess. My best friend Osmond has had an instrumental impact in helping me come to terms with this simple truth. In such a learning and transitional phase for me, I have constantly needed this reminder. Maybe that’s precisely why I wrote this.

Surrendering to the limitless possibilities of living in the present has, over the last year and a half, helped me unlock far more than living in the future ever did or could. In my career, friendships, hobbies, music, in meeting unexpected characters who feel like a breath of fresh air (as it was recently put to me so dreamily), in uncomfortable situations, and everything in between.

When I REALLY think about it, all the things I most love about my life, came unexpectedly…because I let the unexpected happen.

So, the takeaway for me: breaking free from our own mental bubbles is everything. Whether it’s perfectionism, the need to control the future, or escapism that restrains our minds—we all have the potential to break loose. Embracing change, discomfort, and challenges to our mental pictures with open arms—that’s where the real alchemy takes place.